Uh. I’m sorry.
I’ve been on a somewhat of a sabbatical over the last five-ish months. Short story is that I got really depressed (and fat). And then I got better. Then I got worse. So bad that I got help. And that’s where I am at now. I’m not entirely better. In fact, today’s been one of those depression days- as I call ’em. At least when I call them “depression days,” I only allow them to last a very limited amount of time. It’s not like they are “depression months.”
I wrote a lot while I was depressed. But I protected all of those posts simply because I wasn’t a fan of sharing them. I try to be honest with my blogs, but I’m also not big on sharing. I missed that day in pre-school, obviously.
Either way, I’m here. I want to write and post more just because it might help. And if anything helps, I’ll try it.
Ask my therapist. She’s got me doing this EMDR treatment. Basically, you are training your thoughts to leap past negative, ingrained ones with rhythmic, eye movement exercises. I’m not sure if it is working. I still have some repeating thoughts that can cause a downward spiral of my mood real fast. But I’ve only done four treatments so far. I’m still hopeful. Plus, it gives me really vivid and strange dreams (both regular and day dreams), so that’s a positive.
Part of my self-imposed therapy is to expose myself to things I did when I wasn’t depressed. So, I’ve also gone back to working out consistently. It’s been two weeks now of doing Insanity workouts on top of some other workouts (including getting a bike for my birthday). I’m not enamored with the whole Insanity thing as most people are. I get super sweaty and I’ve lost some weight, but it’s nothing for me to write home about. We’ll see how I feel at the end of the 60 days.
[Side note: I miss spinning and swimming, both which I would do if I had money and lived closer to a gym.]
Oh! We got a dog and that’s totally changed my quality of life. After 7 fosters, we found our fur-ever dog. And oddly enough, she was the exact opposite of what I originally hoped for. She’s an extremely girly, super selfish long haired chihuahua/pomeranian mix named… get ready for it… Vanna White! I plan on writing about her and her crazy tendencies to play with food and sulk when a homeless person doesn’t pet her. I’ll probably become a crazy dog person, so apologizes in advance.
So, uh, that’s that. Gosh, this has been one awkward post. This is not going well.