B got angry with me because I couldn’t straight up tell him what I’d like to do for my birthday. He suggested that I make a list. So here it goes:
How I’d like to celebrate my 25th year of existence (3 months from now):
- Pretend that I have friends who know it’s my birthday. Throw myself a surprise birthday party. Actually be surprised when more than my fiance shows up! Dance horribly till 10pm.
- Travel somewhere exotic and pretend that I look great in a swimsuit covering only a quarter of my body- obviously a shout out to my “quarter birthday.” Attempt not to burn. Burn anyways. Slather myself in green goo to help sunburn. Wear hipster sunglasses (birthday gift idea: Ray-Bans).
- Go camping. Get stung by wild insect and develop blisters. Fight off ant infestation of sleeping bag. Have lasting nightmares about ant infestation. Forever be paranoid about ants.
- Be nostalgic. Eat pop rocks and nerds. Play original Nintendo games. Reenact scenes from Power Rangers. Get kicked in face by much larger, Black Power Ranger. Complain that this only happens to the girls of the show. Fight sexism.
- Learn how to play poker. Go to the casino (preferably not in Gary since I do want to live past my 25th birthday). Lose money. Win money. Lose money. Lose money. WIN MONEY. Lose all money.
- Buy groupon for skydiving. Not make it home.
- Sit in the audience for The View. Mock Barbra Walters. Not make it home.