Grain of Salt


Since I’ve rejoined Sparkpeople (for the 100th time since 2006), I’ve had to analyze my relationship with non-living things: food and exercise. To lose weight in a healthy manner, as I have done in the past, I constantly have to analyze and process the two things that are essential in me getting healthy.

I’ve talked about exercise already. I actually really love to be active, contrary to popular belief. I get restless easily so it’s a tool to get myself off of the rut of couch planting-B rated netflix movie watching.

It also provides me with a social network. My spin teacher, a crazy mad deamon in bike shorts, does what she calls “talk tests” where she brings up a random (often X-rated) topic and has us each talk for 10 seconds to a minute about it. It’s often during peak sets or tempo sprints, but there is no better laugh than talking blow jobs while forcing yourself not to pass out on a stationary bike. Since I’ve moved to Chicago, my friend zone has been at, well, about a zero- besides my boyfriend’s friend and family and occasional phone calls and emails. At least when I am spinning in a room full of girls, doing dirty “talk tests,” I can get out that need to giggle, joke, gossip, and emasculate men that I would normally have if I was living in the burbs and able to see my MIA girlfriends.

And, more often than not, exercise does quite the opposite- it elevates the social process of life. Do you want to just totally lose every grip on any stress in your life? Well, I know it’s corny and so late 90s, but try yoga. I recommend this looking up yogamazing, a free Itunes podcast featuring a very calming teacher. Want to literally sing away away anger while burning calories? Watch this and try not to laugh:

There’s always that scientific thing about endorphins…

As for food… well, that’s less clear cut. If we are going to be honest here and do some self reflection, I will just straight out say that I am a terrible eater. As a child, my diet was fat, carbs, and more fat. I avoided veggies like the plague (and quite honestly still do… just never could physically eat green beans or broccoli). It contributed to an overweight, unhappy child that would grow to an overweight, unhappy adult.

Just like about 99.9% of you, I turn to food for comfort in times of stress and a quick pick-me-up when I need a burst of energy. Food is social. It’s where the majority of first dates take place, served at weddings, left out at funerals. Food follows us through life and defines who we are, whether I like to admit that or not.

I struggle, currently, with a heavy salt/sodium addiction. It is added or showcased in most of my food, and, in return, it retains all of the 8 cups of water I struggle to drink per day. It is the reason why my feet and fingers are constantly cold or why I am exhausted at odd hours of the day.

But even knowing this, I am still a salt fiend. I still crave it. I still keep a dispenser filled with seasoned salt on my eating table (for real). This is my life. It’s what I hold on to, and that’s depressing. Even with all the anger and resentment that comes from having past food addictions and seeing what negative hold it had on me for so long, I still let something as minuscule as a grain of salt hold on to me.

Normally, I’d write my solution or some goal. But I’m being realistic when I say that this salt craving will never, ever go away. I’m always going to want to whip up some popcorn or dash some seasalt on my potato skins. It’s just going to have to be something I work around and with- just like any human relationship. I’ll have to compromise and dedicate myself, just as anyone who wants to make a major change in their life would do.

Salt, you win. You can stay.


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